Shotgun shells and it's alright

alright. its monday. it dragged on like usual, but it wasnt too bad. got some new shoes ordered. blacked out DVS Munitions, and i imagine that theyll be here by thursday, so im pumped up about that. now lets finish this story we got going on here, eh?

so just when i thought i was done with C-A-N, as i like to call her, the myspace bitchfest (previously mentioned, kinda) started. this was a solid week of nonstop fighting on why she broke up with me, and me pointing out what she was being dramatic about, wat she made up, etc. you know. the typical rough breakup kind of stuff.

the only thing that came out of this was a loyal swear to myself to take my time with chicks from now on (which ive kept to this day, even though not much has happend), and to NEVER talk to her again, on the comp or in person. This was another funny thing though because one night i guess a couple months after the fighting had stopped, i was with nick at the mall, and we were chillin lookin off the balcony on the second floor, and i see some chicks and a couple dudes on the first floor lookin at us and pointin up, and im like, "hey, there checkin me out". we laughed and got goin again. turns out it was CAN and her friends, and i got a message on myspace a couple days later from her sayin i think i saw you at the mall the other day from her. i was like FUCK THAT and dint respond. that was the last thing ive ever heard from her. told ya ive been loyal to that swear. its actually the only thing promise/swear i think ive ever kept to this day.

so the fast forwards have been doin pretty good so far, so lets do antoher one. this one goes up to about may/the beginning of summer. im just gonna name drop here, and the first chick, sarah, tells me that her and her boyfriend broke up. im not gonna lie, i got a lil excited. i felt it was finally my chance to show her how i really felt. so i was easy at first, but then we hung out one day and it was back to old times. i asked her out, and she said she would go out with me, but (there's always a BUT in my case) she liked this other dude and they had somethin goin on. so im like alrite. backed off again for a lil while, and then we hung out another day a few weeks ago. i went full bore, fifth gear pinned, all out, balls to the wall, watever you wanna call it. i tried too hard, and i realized that it was over. i was really disappointed with myself. then i thought about it though. she has changed alot, and alot of it i dint really care for. she started drinkin a bit, and like i previously said, im presumably straight edge, so this did not work for me. i also realized that we were starting to fall apart from each other. she might've realized it, or she might not've really noticed cause she doesnt care. im not sure, but i dont care.

i really have been tryin to seperate from her a bit. has anyone seen that adam sandler movie 50 first dates (which ironically, maybe?, is a movie weve watched together countless times) where towards the end they decide that its gettin too complicated and they need to just stay away from each other? thats pretty much wats goin on right now. in the end, they get married and stuff, live happily ever after, but i really hope that we dont live hapily ever after. it sounds harsh, but i think its for the best. its definitely hard to let go of someone thats been so close to you for years, but its a decision that ive made and im committing to.

sad ending huh? well, the reality is, there are plenty of people with sad endings, and i just happen to be one of them. hopefully though, its for the better. i really hope so. i want to put everything behind me and just go with life. its gonna be tough, but i can pull it off. ive been through tougher the past 9 months.

right now though, theres a girl (notice no chick on this one, probly means i have a lot respect for her) at school like i said in another entry, that i actually hung out with sophomore year at the christmas ball, and she was thowing some hints (dam that was a long time ago. were talkin about a hail mary of a...well i forgot where i was goin with this) at the time, but i was totally clueless. as you can see, ive never been the best at relationships, so this isnt much of a surprise though. it seems like she still has a thing for me, and actually, i like her too. she seems like my kind of girl. can be hyper at times, but laidback too. as far as i know, she doesnt drink either, so thats a huge plus. i really do hope something comes of this, and im gonna try gettin her soon.

so theres the end of probly the story thats been on my mind for the longest. all i can do is go day by day, but im likin where its going. ill find something to talk about for my next post, so stay tuned and thanks for reading.